Really just venting now and it does help. Dont believe it. Just pity those who fall for his charm in believing in him its only a matter of time before they will find how false he is . She is bipolar and has legal issues along with immigration issues. Good riddance this is over. There are reasons homosexuals hide things like that from loved ones. I borrowed the money for the lawyer from somebody else.he paid all the bills. much love, Gina. Life can throw some major challenges your way. Our website services, content, and products are for informational purposes only. One of the best ways to help get through something like this is to have someone else to talk to. She is smart and healthy. Only we have a son together. Oh gosh Im sorry for your pain. I dont know if he has fallen for her, if it is a mid life crisis or what. ..any ideas? Just know you are not alone. Our childs third birthday shows up and its on a Saturday and filled with empty promises of a nice day with the kids. 2. Heather omg I read your article you wrote and this is so real I honestly wish I had that support from you Im 26 years old with 2 kids and my life has been hurtful and heartbreaking within my relationship I dont want to drag a long story out but I recently got married in Jan and my husband just left me with no explanation in 2 months of our marriage but I have some proof on my end. I am in counseling 1x a week and just started a low dose of a antidepressant pill. Just a few years ago, however, I was finally diagnosed with this awful personality disorder. hi m Jesika m only 20 yrs old n my boyfriend which turns about 34 yrs who is already got married n divorced. My wife and I have a 2 year old son. It is atrocious and inhumane how you have been treated. She never wanted to make it more difficult then it already was for her children. Give him a time frame. I filed. He called me on his way home that night and told me he loved me that day, then gone. it was so bad I lost 50 pounds in 8 weeks.I couldnt work,lost all interest and no motivation I couldnt function .the grief and depression was so overwhelming I had to be hospitalized.Im currently getting therapy, and counseling for my grief and depression.but it still does not answer the question, why? Whit from Maine, Hi Im 35 my husband is 42. i do not think I could ever do this to another human being and especially one I am suppose to care about but then again I am not self-centered like she is! Sign the SBP, 10 yr rule for half his retirement and get your cs and alimony. There are all kinds of ways to tell if people are depressed. Hi Cassie I still love her and want to be with her for the rest of my life. Years. Rage that would be primarily directed towards friends and family. I can not have sex with s man who lets his children disrespect me and think everything is alright. Then there is the one thats left out. Im going to make what might seem a peculiar suggestion, for the sake of those who cannot get over something like this. Our process took 3 months but shes ready to move on and man, we just have to as well. The loneliness is also something you will be unprepared for. Not sure how to recover from this. Everyone says time. I font think Ive ever felt pain like it. In a way i feel the same way. It seems to me that what your wife has done is about her, not you. My break ups I had a choice die, lay in my bed forever and lose my job, or take the bull by the horns and say I am a good person and I deserve better!! Thank you all for being so brave, you have blazed a trail for me to follow. My husband filed a bogus Restraining Order and threw me out if my home. You can find online communities everywhere. Its hard to think about hurting the kids but its his decision to not work on the marriage hes not happy anymore. I am obsessed with telling his wife. Call him in a mistake made, water under the bridge. 1. Then one night he did not come home until 5:30am. She says she wants to live by herself with her 3 kids cause they are better off without me. Its hard to give up thinking they will come back. It hurts to have been so stupid to believe she ever wanted it back at all, probably just guilt for what she did. Even if your spouse returns, the relationship as you know it may have changed, and its OK to express grief: Youre grieving the loss of this relationship, what it meant to you, and the role this person played in your life, says Garcia. And also pointing out that you did state youll be using he/she alternately so as to not take sides which means that it could be by any partner. Well she was mixing high doses of Vicodin and Soma pills . "I felt as if the person I knew had died. Nothing showed. And, while cleaning up our home computer, I found a file of pics. Live in new Jersey have 4 kids. I dont want him to go. If the relationship is really over, learning to let go is important. Yup its called life. I cried all day thats just a way to release what I feel. But things with him have never been logical. He insisted he had never acted on it, but that it turned him on. I just cant believe its the same person. He has gone to his friends to see if we can make it work. I am breaking apart because I am getting the divorce process in place but I love my wife. So sorry for what you are going through. It kinda helps. Over the next 7 months she got a job (with her dad of course) and she kept going on about this guy friend at work. We are taking things slow but it looks like he has a lot of maturing to do. Left with no reason. Im sure his new single bachelor life is more appealing then doing household work chores, and Being a husband and a dad every day. They WOULD NOT like that at all. I am so heart broken why would he do that to me and how will l get over him ALLTOGETHER. She is a realtor. We have a little girl of 3, and my two sons of 10 from my previous relationship. We looked at the rings on Friday in my favorite shop went in tried on a ring I had seen months before , on the evening we had family and friends over. I never had empty nest for longer than 3 months and things were much better between my husband and I. she wants to become a UK citizen, to do that she has to marry this man. The kids are with her in the parents house. I have been divorced for 9 months. And this time apart, knowing she is with her husband, re-connecting with him after all that we have done in such a short time is killing me. SHOW ME YOU STILL LOVE ME. My ex-husband used me for everything I had and then just left. this is two months of my ugly experience. He states he has not talked to the other women since I found out and that it was completely over when he left the first time. Whether you broke up with them or they broke up with you, a breakup can leave you feeling heartbroken. People need real information or else they divorce prematurely and they often go on to divorce again and again (more research!). Just type online discussion forums into any search engine and youll find plenty of forums that can help you get through this. I hate life right now, she wants nothing to do with me, my work is suffering Im suffering, shes telling everyone how happy she is and Im so lost. We are now 10 months after the filing and he has left again, stating he is trying to get his head straight. So how does one go on with life and ever feel love again??? ;) Again, terrific article! Anyone who vetted someone over their mental health status wouldnt be worth staying with. Paul W. Paul what did you do to overcome the sadness? We have two children together and 2 from my previous marriage. They immediately started living together before I was ever handed a divorce. He started arguements out of no where and said it was me. I thought to myself what the fk? Let him feel remorse for a little while and give him the time to miss you and appreciate you once again. Below are the top five reasons for leaving that I hear about while working with divorcing couples in my therapy practice. I felt we became room mates and no longer husband and wife. Wed been having problems. Ive been taking care of household/ kids/ working part time and hes never even picked up kids once after school even if I was sick! "You're being ridiculous.". Please send me strength. She misses her girls and she feels her siblings and their partners treat her and look at her differently. Turns out it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I had a thousand questions, but they all boiled down to "why?" I actually threw up all morning and had to stay home from work. This order is supposed to save lives not ruin them. I honestly thought she would grow up over the years or I could save her. It's even cited as one of the events that often trigger a bout of depression in the first place. I received deployment orders to head to Africa for a rapid response unit to help combat the Ebola virus and contain it by building ETU facilities. What have I done! You cant give up hope because numbing yourself will only numb you to joy as well. I dont even know where to start now. Make a list of the things you didnt like about her and your marriage. I am 38 and my husband 52 walk out on me while I am work. Finally, I embraced it., I thought I was a goner and my story was coming to an end. In many cases, there were no common interests to start with, making coming back together even harder. Do not allow someone to ever make you feel less or wrong. ? He had no good reason and said we dont like the same things which made no sense to me at all. I just dont understand why Im not good enough for him. Please seek help for yourself to support you through this process. My wife left me in October after 6 years Im dealing with my in-laws involved the failure of our marriage has been all shifted on me my wife has changed her cell all kinds of madness, I try to get it out as much as I can its tuff I have the bills kids everything to deal with, How lucky ur wife is to be much loved by youi wish i am that person..:(, My husband had never showed me love from the very begginning. I love her so much. We have two girls 5 and 8. Shes married with two children as well, and was in a comfortable marriage. It is a commitment, a promise, a vow to love that other person irrespective of how you feel. Hey, Not only for our child but because I love her deeply. Husband suffeing depression has left me. I am never able to maintain my anger for any length of time but never the less I am a poor former of words while angry so it is easy for me to see how I may have said something I didnt truly mean People like this need to be shipped to separate country/island where this is acceptable. I just want her to call me & tell me its going to be ok but she is pressing ahead with this divorce in what seems nothing other than an irrational speed. Just move through it, let your emotions flow freely, and dont let anyone make you feel like less of a person for feeling this way. So when I went to visit my son and his family he served me with the TRO. I instantly felt fear, anger, and guilt wash over. We have 3 girls 10.11 and 13. If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. Instead of moving on and doing whats best for themselves, they take out all their anger and sadness on anyone who will listen to them. Also my ex husband stole 25k. While our sons are adults we were a close family. So, i had to ask my family for money. The first time was right after I had our first child. Travelling back and forth abroad to see her. And that this medication for *seizures* was effective *because* of the way my neurological system and brain was processing the lengthy aftermath of that injury. 6 months ago my wife of 6 years been together now going on 9 years looks over at me and says she doesnt know if she wants to be married anymore. When he blames you for his emotional state, he is doing several things: He is failing to take control of his own life. One of the quickest ways to destroy your marriage is to leave your wife alone. How are you feeling today? I do not know if it is love. I have cried more over the past eight weeks than during my entire life. I come from a family of strong people. I reached out to her parents for support. Wow, that sucks.feel terrible that you have to go through that especially when youve been so patient with all of her disabilities. You have described your situation and it is exactly as I feel. She kept calling me perfect for never putting a foot wrong and seemed to twist that to be a negative. Im not sure whats worse having your spouse off the deep end and watching them demonstrate it, or having someone appear completely intact going through life whilst I am going WTF Im a hopeless romantic at heart. The fifth reason I found out about on my own and that was because she was having an affair. He talks to me like if I was his worst enemy. He often jokes about leaving his wife. Its just so odd. He gave her money and bought her a car to keep her, but in the end, that didn't work. I still would. A condition in and of itself is not a reason to . Thanks for your response. The feeling sorry for him part for being an emotionally broken person is really gone when you give me choices to betraying me and put my business at risk that I started four years ago. My husband left me because he was unhappy in our (mostly) sexless marriage. Everyone can relate when I say, every day is a new day with kids. We have seen these in all of the breakup movies.. I remained strong on the outside and everyone asked how I kept it together, but that doesnt mean it wasnt extremely difficult and the most traumatic experience in my life. This is the second time I have been dumped under the same situations. He explained he needed to find himself and deal with all the shitty things and pain he had caused to others. Then in 2014 it got really bad . There is a large age gap, which wasnt a problem at first, but now he works all the time and only cares about money. My husband went away on a trip with a friend and came back depressed and unhappy with his life. My husband left me four and a half months ago. I put the number in and he had named her 1 of his work mates. She had forgiven me on every occasion but this recent one, really hit her. Kasey Scharnett-King, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Fort Worth, Texas, suggests being wary of impulsive decisions. Im on a dead end relationship and cant leave because of my kids. I felt like I was wasting his time. I hope you can continue to be strong and take the steps to be in control. Fortunately, relationship expert and divorce coach Brad Browning knows exactly what it takes to save a failing marriage. Just be prepared if you do this, you may see certain things that can really hurt you. My wife was on chat rooms after 24 years and told me she is very unhappy I always thought , feared she may leave me when Im older and it happened! But remember it has very little to do with you and everything to do with them. It's Over. My kinds and I are are now stuck between the rock and a hard place.. But, believe it or not, research suggests there's a dark side to dieting. I get my kids every weekend and the time always flies by. Why she chose to lie about this i do not know, but she has been clearly hiding things from me for several months. So find a new companion to share your life with. Uncle in Illinois for a few weeks. In January the kids want nothing to do with her because of the lies she has been telling plus my brother and his wife took her side, I just wanted them to be on the kids side. I dont know who to treat him. Do something nice fir her, like send flowers and say in the note dont give up in me yet. Something that may make her reconsider. Cruel. Im being civil about it becuase of my son but it hurts everytime I see him. . When it doesnt hurt anymore and you find your partners actions pathetic . My exwife left me for some guy she meet at a club and he choked her to death. I found this wholly inappropriate and said as much. Thats not because of you, its because of her. He was my best friend, and had promised we could co-parent., My childs father was leaving me. I fell deeply and it was the hardest six months of my life. The GoodTherapy.org Team. Abuse should definitely be on the list. I think she kept downing our relationship. I know how difficult it is and I know how sad it is because I am here too but I am six months out, and the realization that I c could be better off starting to hit me. It's pathetic, but true. But Im not saying that you should give up on your marriage and move on with your life. and I dont know what to do. My own inability to be nice cost me my life I cant understand why they arent questioning this. I feel that in order to keep him in our lives I must accept her too. Im rattling round the house all alone, crying and pleading all nigt for my wife to come home, I love her so much, She never told me what I was doing wrong. They do not except criticism and will always turn it around on you to the extent they will talk your friends and family in to believing how crazy YOU are and how he/ she could never make you happy. I dont know what to do.I know that i need companionship.I cant go through life alone.I miss her so much. We have been married 2 and a half years, and together for 4. A year ago I found out he had cheated on me and me wanting to be a good wife and loving him with all I am I took him back and worked on what he said made him do it. During the row he started screaming and shouting at me so i told him to go and he never came back and is saying i dumped him for no reason! The papers are signed. My son also gets a survivor benefit which I sparingly use but He mooches food my family you name it. Your partner wasnt in love with you anymore. He refused to go to counseling. I was just so stunned, this lady used to have an actual heart, now I dont know what to make of it all I am so confused. Think about the parts of Jon that could not be true to Jon because of her. My girlfriend of almost 9 years didnt just have an affair she had and is still in a relationship with a married supervisor from her work instead of telling me that she found someone new or telling his wife and ruining his marriage he convinced her to call the police on me have me arrested for breaking and entering the house through an unlocked backdoor.i didnt find out about this relationship until after I was released from city cells with the conditions of my release being no contact at all with her and I cant go 200 meters near the house I had two visits with my three kids where on the second visit the children told me this man was coming to the house and was there after they went to bed the next day after that visit low and behold I was arrested for child assault(a complete lie of course)and now I cant see or talk to my kids either my lawyer says trial will be into the New Year for sure if I plead not guilty.so when you think you got it bad just remember my life. And still couldnt find a way to be happy. I asked him to leave in my anger and three days later while I was at work he moved out without telling me. She and I know the marriage was no longer a marriage and to carry on would be a sham. About 8 years in we had a son forcing us to live with her parents on a temp basis (a year!!) Yes Im sorry I misunderstood. forgiveness and love unconditionally, but when you are the only one keeping the commandments it is hard. I myself currently struggle financially since leaving and I am facing losing everything at the moment, but I never give up hope. She was a self harmer and naturally negative person yet strong willed, firey, smart, impulsive and absolutely gorgeous. Is evn more so when you realize how little value people place on others life and livelihood. We were happy. I am dealing with the reality that Ill see my son a lot less. "Dogs pick up on our emotions, so if the owner has died, the dog could be responding to the grief of others," Beaver said. My husband of 5 years told me he no longer loves me about 4 months ago. And although I honestly did not ever intend to hurt her, I can see where she would be hurt. I am going through it myself. Try to relinquish anger and resentment to create space for understanding and growth. Im living the same right now married 12 years and 2 kids 9 and 11 yrs old. However while she was visiting her family her step uncle came to town, I was not there but the day he arrived she turned cold. Certain stresses have even been alleviated. I banished him to the basement couch while I tried to deal with my shock and disbelief. Its safe to say its probably in the bloodline, and Ive got great role models there. there never will be. Well I am the adulterous turned bunny boiler. Now he says its completely over but I dnt know if I can trust him. She has been seeing someone for depression, but therapist seemed geared more towards providing affirmation to affluent clients than identifying and treating the more important clinical issues. He said he would always love me but that I just wasnt able to forget the past. The hardest thing for me is to sleep alone. I genuinely believe she has and will continue to put the children in even remote danger by having what I would consider strangers move into their place. He is divorced and has 2 young girls. She txts him daily and it dosent bother her that Im right there. I have had to completely restart from scratch without anything and I think I would have to suffer this a thousand times again rather than live like that ever again. Any certain? Rather, letting go is about loosening unhealthy attachments. Im learning that even though I love him, I cant help or change him and I deserve a man that really loves me and my kids. I worker steady nights for 27 years. I dont want to go on with life feeling like I do. She is 39 and I am 50. However, when the reflection becomes self-berating and criticisms, it maybe adds more pain to an already painful situation.. She spent a few nights at his place and on new years eve she drove him home and spent the night. My ex husband did the same thing I tried everything and nothing. magnificent issues altogether, you simply won a brand new reader. and yes even now he is with his lover and left me in another state by myself. My husband of five years, 11years together came home from work, it had been a week since he works away from home and left me, one week before Christmas. It's called anhedonia, the inability to feel pleasure or interest in anything. What hurts the most is She didnt just cheat and come crying back to me, she led a double life for 2 years and left after she was caught. You can use our website to search for another therapist in your area by entering your ZIP code here: You might also consider discussing any concerns you might have with your therapist with that therapist directly. She is married too and both of us have two small children. He is the one who took the initiative to walk out the door because he thought he was unhappy within our marriage. I now no longer can afford to live near my children and my job is a roaming goverment contracting job. And I cant get past feeling devastated, crying when Im alone after work until I go to bed. And the holidays are almost here, I know Im not going to feel better by then, so that has me down also since Ill be all alone for the first time through that. Its not fair of you to hold a grudge and try to get your husband back when hes more than likely done with you. Tried a lawyer, she sank me for thousands without ever doing a thing and I just wont take that road again. Catching up was fun, she was comfortable to talk to, to share life experiences with and before long we both felt the electricity we had known years ago was still there and strong as ever. There isnt anything you can do to change the past and make him stay with you. Its very painful its been only 2 months after we live together for over 4 years and we have a 2 years old. Maybe you want to place your studies on hold for awhile or get your family involved to temporarily help yout. Youre alright I am very close to his family especially his mum and he has said hes very unhappy his mum remains close to my daughter and i. Just because she knew need her health insurance doesnt mean she entitled your settlement. I guess she is doing just that. Apparently, like the physical pain, and the way I processed that, the emotional pain and mental obsession I suffered, was on automatic; it was a LEARNED response that had obviously been running, on perpetual pain, not unlike continuous *seizure* activity. Subscribe me to the GoodTherapy.org public newsletter. I didnt take money from the family to buy stuff for myself, I didnt spend a bunch of our money on pain pills and lose my job while my wife was five months pregnant, I didnt cheat, I didnt constantly lie about everything. Conversely, if your spouse works long hours out of necessity, this can signify that they're willing .
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